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Friday, February 22

Flashback of my tale :D

Assalamualaikum thanks to anyone yg still sudi nak baca blog saya yg memang sangat bosan ni haha.
Tetibe rasa nak aktif blog sebab since dah habis sekolah ni kan dah jarang jumpa kawan so takde tempat nak mengadu so blog ni lah tempat nak story semua bende before saya lupa kisah hidup sendiri sebab ~ saya ada amnesia sikit hoho
Diary ? haha masa form4 n form5 ade tp tulisan buruk la so memang takkan baca la.
Ok let's begin...sikit2 flashback haha
Just to introduce myself again sebab nanti kalau cerita yg present punya cite ni nanti jadi x paham.


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Ehem masa form1 sampai form3 saya sekolah kt smk pandan jaya.
Hidup saya perfect kat situ sebab ade kawan2, cikgu2, bf (haha) yg semuanya baik2.
Even though saya ni prefect tapi still saya bergaul dgn semua orang termasok lah budak2 laki gangster.
Kalau nak kata lepak dengan diorang tu tak la tp kalau setakat lepak2 kat sekolah okla.
Senang cerita saya ni jenis tak pilih bulu lah semua saya kawan xD
Cuma ada certain orang yang ingat saya kerek n anti pengawas sampai buat group kejadah lah so ..
Apa nak buat kita takkan pernah dapat puaskan hati semua orang.

To be honest masa form3 saya macam dah start nak jadi liar.
Bila keluar dengan kawan or bf balik malam la , then nak pmr x bukak buku sampai lah malam sebelum pmr.
Parents marah and pukul pun (sekali je) pun tak serik.
And masa form3 lah saya dah pandai sengaja tinggal solat.
Tahun tu memang teruk gila la.
Jiwa remaja memuncak kan haha
Imagine lah malam before pmr pun saya sempat online pakai opera mini kat fon sebab mak dah tak bagi guna pc.
Sumpah lah parents memang tak letak harapan langsung and sedih tengok saya.
Yela sebab UPSR dulu saya kira ok la jugak result.
KArang nanti tiba2 pmr takde A mesti parents malu dgn family yg lain.
Mama sampai menangis banyak kali pun saya tak kisah.
Sumpah memang dah give up dgn pmr.
3 bulan lepastu, result keluar.
Kuasa Allah, kita taktahu apa yg Allah dah plan untuk kita.
Allah bagi saya peluang sekali lagi nak rasa kejayaan.
Alhamdullilah result pmr ok.
Mak ayah sumpah tak percaya.
Saya ni lagi la terkejut beruk hutan.
Cuma seminggu before ambik result tu saya ada amalkan baca ayat2 quran sikit.
Saya pun tak faham masa tu kenapa Allah bagi saya kejayaan macam tu sedangkan saya tak usaha keras untuk tu.


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Tapi sekarang saya dah faham.

Lepas dapat result tu saya dapat offer SBPI gombak.
Sekolah tu actually Munirah yg apply kan so thanks a lot to her hehe
Sekolah apa tu ?
Saya pun taktahu tapi saya pergi sebab
-cikgu Zaleha suruh pindah
-mama asyik puji adik sebab dia dapat masuk VI
-taknak BIO !!!

Saya apply sains teknikal so dapat lah masuk kelas 4 Jabir al-hayyan (JH)
Sekolah tu rupanya sekolah yg menekankan agama gila.
Tudung saya masa tu dah la rempit so kena pandang slack.
Saya kan jenis tak kisah kalau borak dgn lelaki so masa 2nd day dah kena tengking dengan cikgu sebab borak dengan lelaki.
Masa tu saya takde kawan langsung sebab saya daftar lambat seminggu sebab kena chicken pox :(
Humm masa tu sedih gila macam nak bunuh diri.
~Family takde (kena duduk asrama)
~Kawan2 lama takde
~jauh dgn bf
~takde fon
~Environment yg beza sgt dgn smkpj !
Masa tu saya macam tak faham kenapa la Allah tentukan hidup saya utk sengsara macam tu.


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1 year later.
Saya dah boleh adapt dgn sekolah tu.
Masa form5 lah baru saya sedar.
Sebelum masuk sbpi gombak saya almost tersasar jauh.
Kat sini saya terpaksa jaga solat, qiamulail kadang2, jaga pergaulan, tutup aurat betol2.
Benda yg terpaksa ni lama2 saya rasa macam, ok dah.
Sebab benda yg dipaksa ni semua memang penting gila dalam islam.
Cuma tahun tu saya banyak problem dgn kawan.

Then SPM pun tiba.
Terasa cepat je macam baru semalam saya daftar sekolah yg saya benci sangat ni.
Macam biasalah spm pon belajar last minit.
Owh yea saya dah de bf baru kt sekolah ni hoho saya panggil dia iban.
Start dengan dia masa 6 august 2011.
Ehem masa bulan spm kan cuma ada form5 je kt sekolah.
So ? apal lagi enjoy la !
Kitorang pinjam projector sekolah n buat movie malam2 kt dorm n order domino's semua.
Sumpah lagi best dari cinema !
Boys pulak pukul 2 3 pagi lompat asrama pergi main bola kat padang xD
handphone pon boleh !
SUmpah best gila hostel masa tu !
Masa tu lah terasa ukhwah kitorang kuat gila sampai rasa taknak habis spm sebab taknak berpisah.

Mula2 budak2 tulen balik :'(
Sedih sangat.
Pastu budak2 agama balik then finally aku..
budak2 teknikal habis paper.
Ya Allah Kau jela yg tahu perasaan kitorang masa tu.
HAppy dah habis spm tapi sedih sebab lepas ni maybe tak dapat gather dgn kawan2 macam ni.
Bagi budak2 asrama ukhwah persahabatan ni penting sgt sebab kat asrama kita cuma ada kawan.
Hari terakhir masing2 kat sekolah tu ada yg nangis.
Ada yg tahan je air mata.
Our school life is over.
We're going to face the real life outside.

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And now here i am.
Sitting on my bed in 23rd february of 2013.
Sekarang baru aku sedar apa hikmahnya Allah takdirkan aku masuk sbpi gombak.
Before habis sekolah tu aku rasa berat hati semacam nak tinggalkan sekolah sebab lepas ni dah takde warden2 or kawan2 nak kejutkan aku solat subuh.
And takde kawan2 nak kejutkan aku pergi kelas.
Tapi aku faham.
Hidup ni
kita takboleh nak stay kat satu tempat yg sama.
That's life.
So this was my school life.
How about urs ?

Monday, July 9

jangan baca post ni.

does it hurt when waiting for someone text and don't get the reply ?
and then step on ur ego to call that person to make sure does he/she slept ?
but still don't get any response.
then 2hours later that person call u n text u back.
then u reply and the person fell to sleep again mcm tu je.
memang what the la kn ?
rase nak bunuh org tu skrg !!!
aku sumpah benci la org yg ske wat aku tunggu ni.
jgn main dgn ego aku la.
ingat sesenang aku nak kol kau ?
what the .

Friday, February 3

today

yes my blog is damn boring :)
no new post. no beauty backgrounds or creative decorations.
but i dun care cuz honestly i dun like promoting my blog.
if anybody is eager to read it, they will have to find my link on their own :)
so..whats new?

school ?
since 2012 begun, gosh tired like *****
classes n teachers are giving us hw like we have 48hours a day. i'm serious !
dun av even a single tiny bit of time !
ok relax, it only left few months ONLY before i'll get my ass out of that school wohoo !
but i'm afraid to leave somebody there..nvm.
wish me luck 4 my spm k ?
woa imma form5 with a height of 153cm..around xD

friends ?
well pretty bad this lately.
ignored by two of them.
i dun really care cuz i have other frens , n not to be proud, just to motivate myself :')

btw i dun really like the feel of new environment in my school.
new form1 are totally RUDE i'm saying straight away. but not all.
haha its funny when a KID who just about growing up , na kurang aja dgn senior ?
yucks eh lwk la dgr.
da la kecik sumpah x sedar diri.
new form4 ?
they're good dis far.
hope til the last intake.
n i really damn hoping begging that my iban guy would not fall in any new girls or the other girls :'D
i trust him.
but ofcuz if u love someone so much , a bit of anxious or jealousy will rise.
btw i hope he forgave me bout our last war..

actually form5 wasnt allow to go home.
but i fell from stairs :P
so i got my thigh twist n sore at my knee.
duh how'd that happen ? berangan pye psl.
but guess what my nearest frens did when i fell ?
laughed they fuckin ass off xD
duh they think i'd joking !
but when i remember back, it was do funny. hee

Wednesday, November 16

Thanks 4 Making Me Realize Without U Realizing It~

haha i know i always come out with strange posts' title.
actually i'm posting this bcoz i realize ders my mistake that i should fix.
i mean mistakes.

1stly, its about a guy that i call iban. HAHA
i dun care if he doesnt read this but i just wanna tell that
i was so regret for posting the two previous posts.
i know it hurt him so cuz i wuld feel the same way if i were in his place. hee
but that moment, i couldnt think sane cuz i was haunted by my past.
i duno whats wrong wif me..
why is it so difficult to let go my stupid past ?
there's nothing to be cry for anymore.
i'm here now.
building a better future insyaAllah.
thats why i'm here :)

he makes me realize that.
let hippo go.
he's nothing but just a sweet memories to be remember.
yeah memories.
i should not be afraid to make more memories.
i have iban now.
and the day that we fought , well i guess 1week ago.
it made me realize that i actually love iban. so much.
i was damn afraid of losing him, fine its pretty shock.
what do i like bout him?
well from my opinion i could see his sincerity to hear my problems even he has nothing to say sometimes.
but i really hope he will change even a bit (:
n dun say ur not a gentleman.
i believe ur one of it but u just dun show it.
its ok as long u can take care of me n make me survive at this freakin place !
thanks 4 loving me.
hope its with ur sincere heart (:

last word
i'm sorry for scold/angry/mad/shout at u before this. hee
i love u ok ?
do not betray n break my trust cuz u told me
u never wanna hear the word 'putus'
:)

Wednesday, November 2

a New World for Me To Accept (:

isnt it would be freakin shock if i say i'm bored at home n want to go back to school ?
ofcuz it will sound fuckin weird.
everyone knows how much i hate that place which i call school n its a place where i actually live.
but dis evening i told 'iban' i wanted to go back to school n then he said padan muke.
UGGGHHHH
dun tell me im startin to love that freakin place ?
hell no !
maybe i just bored at home.
i should hate that place so much this moment.

why?

~im having a big war with my besty , oh shud i still call her besty ?
i mean my ex besty, why she still dun wanna admit even a single mistake ?
i had apologized , ugh whateva.
~the MT are chasing me to brainwashing me xD
just a matter of me date wif iban.
"haha what does it mean a couple if u guys dun see each other"
dats my motto lolz.
~ustazah's also lookin forward for me for a private chat.
i wonder what is it but ofcuz it has to be sumtin wif dat date-matter too.
~oh n hye. more people are knowing dat news. ugggh

fortunately diagnostic just ended.
but imagine me facing all those above when i was facing the exam.
for God's sake i never been so stress like that.
iban acted like he dun care eventot he listened to me.
i duno la sumtimes he culd be a very caring bf
n some other time
NOT
should i dump him ?
haha no no
takhabeslagikikisduetdie xDD

oh btw lpe na catat
1 nov 2011 which i dun remember the day
mulut aku kne operate cuz ade mcm ketumbuhan kcik.
moments die ?
ok cmni
haha

ms aku kne bius aku x tgk.
tp sumpah sakit yela ade jarum pnjg kne cucuk kt lips korg.
aku na nanges tp sumpah x nanges un aq an gentleman.
then aku x ase pape ag. numb.
tp aku ase cm lips aku besa ms tu.
then die ltk cm ape tah kt muke aku bg mke aku tegang lol.
then aku tgk pe jd sume.
specialist tu amek pisau kcik n potong kt tmpt uh.
byk kali kot die ptong sumpah aku takot.
then aku tgk die lap darah byk gile.
yela lips kn act kulit tp die merah cuz darah flow.
after da hbs potong die amek benang jahit tu n a pair of mcm scissor.
jarum die pndek je.
then die jahit la, time die tarik benang uh aku dpt rse mcm ade tali kt mulut aku huhu.
da gunting pe sume n da settle.
i looked myself in da mirror,
haha hodoh doe !
my lips were lookin bigger than usual hodoh doe.
ms na blek tu cm saket doe.
bius die na ilang.
but then ok je after mkn ubat smpai la skrg.
alhamdulilah tade pape.
thursday next week bukak jahitan so bapak lme la aku pb.
me n iban are gonna missing each other ):

oh im kinda realize
he's the reason dat i stay.
thx iban ilysm.
n im startin to learn to accept our new life that comes
n im tryin to stop cryin remembering my old life :'( :')
maybe Allah wants to give me something that is more worthy then staying in my old life that perfect.
n maybe Allah wants to show me we need to sacrifice for something we aim.
insyaAllah i'll do wtv to get it n win this fight.

thats filzah :)