Thanks 4 Making Me Realize Without U Realizing It~

haha i know i always come out with strange posts' title.

actually i'm posting this bcoz i realize ders my mistake that i should fix.

i mean mistakes.

1stly, its about a guy that i call iban. HAHA

i dun care if he doesnt read this but i just wanna tell that

i was so regret for posting the two previous posts.

i know it hurt him so cuz i wuld feel the same way if i were in his place. hee

but that moment, i couldnt think sane cuz i was haunted by my past.

i duno whats wrong wif me..

why is it so difficult to let go my stupid past ?

there's nothing to be cry for anymore.

i'm here now.

building a better future insyaAllah.

thats why i'm here :)

he makes me realize that.

let hippo go.

he's nothing but just a sweet memories to be remember.

yeah memories.

i should not be afraid to make more memories.

i have iban now.

and the day that we fought , well i guess 1week ago.

it made me realize that i actually love iban. so much.

i was damn afraid of losing him, fine its pretty shock.

what do i like bout him?

well from my opinion i could see his sincerity to hear my problems even he has nothing to say sometimes.

but i really hope he will change even a bit (:

n dun say ur not a gentleman.

i believe ur one of it but u just dun show it.

its ok as long u can take care of me n make me survive at this freakin place !

thanks 4 loving me.

hope its with ur sincere heart (:

last word

i'm sorry for scold/angry/mad/shout at u before this. hee

i love u ok ?

do not betray n break my trust cuz u told me

u never wanna hear the word 'putus'

:)

a New World for Me To Accept (:

isnt it would be freakin shock if i say i'm bored at home n want to go back to school ?

ofcuz it will sound fuckin weird.

everyone knows how much i hate that place which i call school n its a place where i actually live.

but dis evening i told 'iban' i wanted to go back to school n then he said padan muke.

UGGGHHHH

dun tell me im startin to love that freakin place ?

hell no !

maybe i just bored at home.

i should hate that place so much this moment.

why?

~im having a big war with my besty , oh shud i still call her besty ?

i mean my ex besty, why she still dun wanna admit even a single mistake ?

i had apologized , ugh whateva.

~the MT are chasing me to brainwashing me xD

just a matter of me date wif iban.

"haha what does it mean a couple if u guys dun see each other"

dats my motto lolz.

~ustazah's also lookin forward for me for a private chat.

i wonder what is it but ofcuz it has to be sumtin wif dat date-matter too.

~oh n hye. more people are knowing dat news. ugggh

fortunately diagnostic just ended.

but imagine me facing all those above when i was facing the exam.

for God's sake i never been so stress like that.

iban acted like he dun care eventot he listened to me.

i duno la sumtimes he culd be a very caring bf

n some other time

NOT

should i dump him ?

haha no no

takhabeslagikikisduetdie xDD

oh btw lpe na catat

1 nov 2011 which i dun remember the day

mulut aku kne operate cuz ade mcm ketumbuhan kcik.

moments die ?

ok cmni

haha

ms aku kne bius aku x tgk.

tp sumpah sakit yela ade jarum pnjg kne cucuk kt lips korg.

aku na nanges tp sumpah x nanges un aq an gentleman.

then aku x ase pape ag. numb.

tp aku ase cm lips aku besa ms tu.

then die ltk cm ape tah kt muke aku bg mke aku tegang lol.

then aku tgk pe jd sume.

specialist tu amek pisau kcik n potong kt tmpt uh.

byk kali kot die ptong sumpah aku takot.

then aku tgk die lap darah byk gile.

yela lips kn act kulit tp die merah cuz darah flow.

after da hbs potong die amek benang jahit tu n a pair of mcm scissor.

jarum die pndek je.

then die jahit la, time die tarik benang uh aku dpt rse mcm ade tali kt mulut aku huhu.

da gunting pe sume n da settle.

i looked myself in da mirror,

haha hodoh doe !

my lips were lookin bigger than usual hodoh doe.

ms na blek tu cm saket doe.

bius die na ilang.

but then ok je after mkn ubat smpai la skrg.

alhamdulilah tade pape.

thursday next week bukak jahitan so bapak lme la aku pb.

me n iban are gonna missing each other ):

oh im kinda realize

he's the reason dat i stay.

thx iban ilysm.

n im startin to learn to accept our new life that comes

n im tryin to stop cryin remembering my old life :'( :')

maybe Allah wants to give me something that is more worthy then staying in my old life that perfect.

n maybe Allah wants to show me we need to sacrifice for something we aim.

insyaAllah i'll do wtv to get it n win this fight.

thats filzah :)

Hippo..

i duno where to go..

i duno what to do..

i duno how to breathe..

i duno who to find..

i duno where n when to cry cuz.. i did it like thousands times

n i duno how to love without you..

when i noe dat u got someone else now

or to be more accurately

u found my replacement

i knew that i once wished dat sumone would take care of u

well i feel a bit relief now (:

finally u got someone who will always be with u in no time

someone who will hug u when u need it

n someone who will share ur love when u need a touch

i pray for ur happiness (: perhaps

cuz

deep inside my heart

theres a hole of miserable

to see u n her

to see u guys so happy

n most surprising

u watch all the kpop videos posted by her ?!

u once said kpop sucks

i will always remember that cuz i hate it too :D

but where's the 'u' ?

i miss to call u my baby hippo ;3

i know this is all bcoz of me..

i'm the one who chose dis way

but dear, i didnt do it wifout thinking wisely

i decided this for our own good..

i know u cant live wifout me , far away n never been beside u when u need me..

i'm sorry.. i know i chose dis way but i never think of its effect..

my mind was and is so confusing bout dis

i NEVER wanna let u go but

i HAVE to let u go

to make sure that someone will take very good care of u

cuz i love u so much

whenever i see a loving couple

our memories will run in my mind

happy memories but it hurts me

all i can do now is sitting n watch my own tears rolling wishing dat we were in 2010

but i know..

past will remain past

but why i still remembering u in present ?

n what would happen at the future ? between us ?

i can let u go

but i cant let this love go

1hour before back to that place :)

haha sempat lg kn ?

act i'm dryin my hair.

hmm 1hour before goin back to my school.. opps i mean that school.

act i got so much to say.

gosh gotta go now.

shit r.

bye :(

This is not Our Song but it's our song :)

hye there delilah
What's it like in New York City?
I'm a thousand miles away
But girl, tonight you look so pretty
Yes you do
Times Square can't shine as bright as you
I swear it's true

Hey there Delilah
Don't you worry about the distance
I'm right there if you get lonely
Give this song another listen
Close your eyes
Listen to my voice, it's my disguise
I'm by your side

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
What you do to me

Hey there Delilah
I know times are getting hard
But just believe me, girl
Someday I'll pay the bills with this guitar
We'll have it good
We'll have the life we knew we would
My word is good

Hey there Delilah
I've got so much left to say
If every simple song I wrote to you
Would take your breath away
I'd write it all
Even more in love with me you'd fall
We'd have it all

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me

A thousand miles seems pretty far
But they've got planes and trains and cars
I'd walk to you if I had no other way
Our friends would all make fun of us
and we'll just laugh along because we know
That none of them have felt this way
Delilah I can promise you
That by the time we get through
The world will never ever be the same
And you're to blame

Hey there Delilah
You be good and don't you miss me
Two more years and you'll be done with school
And I'll be making history like I do
You'll know it's all because of you
We can do whatever we want to
Hey there Delilah here's to you
This one's for you

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
What you do to me.

Hye you

At the beginning , i like you.

You're nice , well as much as i judge from other people's opinions.

Then i started to being close to u.

Ok u're not different but u're strange.

Sometimes u could be a really caring n talkative friend but

sometimes u are the most boring n annoying person i'd ever met.

SOmetimes i questioned which planet u came from huh ?

Then i started to adore u.

The way u treat n treat me with goods. haha

U're the patient one when it comes my shouted. haha

But there were some people saying u're not as good n faith as any others think.

For God sake i hate dat situation n i want u to be honest.

Dont afraid of my -ve thoughts but be ashame for urself (!)

Nothing much dat un-privately

Its been a (really) long time i do not update my blog.

hmm what shud i write now?

well, its 2.30am now.

i wanna sleep but it doesnt feels rite n i duno why.

huhu im alone now (:

tomorrow's plan ?
aunts' openhouse.

n i miss all my frens' openhouse -,-

im upset, i mean i rarely been to my frens' openhouse can u believe it ?

cuz i'd always av to follow my family.

yeah family first =.=

Sunday wuld sucks.

i dun wanna go back to school !

ugh honestly i can adapt there but i still hate dat place.

i never assume dat im one of the students der n i WILL NEVER do dat.

all i know-

after finish spm , i'l be out from dat school n FORGET all the memories der.

just the memories in pandan jaya dat wuld stuck in my head

bcoz p.jye is the place where my real life began n my school now is where the place dat my sucks life began.

dats y i hate.

STUPID RULES >
y is it so wrong to pray in ur dorm ?

at least we'd pray ! what a really insane rule !

wear school shoes when out or back to ur school.

y is it so wrong to wear just a sandal ?
its just a tiny n hard-to-look matters =.=

cant wear white shirt or handsock for shortsleeve shirt.

well dis is the most ridiculous rule :)

cant use handsock cuz it's tight ?
well ofcuz it is !

so u av to wear inner instead ?
hahahahahahahahahah !

man i love dis school larh ! ! really ! xD

i only stay cuz i love technical science.

dats all.

seriously i miss my old life, so much..

i can do whatever i want in whatever time.

surely i get enough sleep. haha

i can go to kl whenever i want !

im feel so trap der !

cant u understand i used to be freedom ?

i can date how much as i like ! oppsss haha

my social life was never being control before !

n i feel like my family dun need me much now.

like what happened dat thursday.

they rather choose to avoid jam than fetch me early TT^TT

what a holiday

wow i'm super duperb happy when it comes to holiday !

cuz i can stay home (:

other students think holidays r boring when they av to stay home n do nothing

well for me its such a most valuable gift ever <33

1st day of holiday~saturday

i went to ts.

i was suppose to watch pirates of the carribean =.=

but ugh..nevermind

it was fun at all to go around n window shopping

i suppose...

actually i didnt get any of those

followed his frens

made me didnt get the fun at all !

then ders another day i went out with my classmates

well it suppose to be 5-10 people join

but unfortunately they postpone it til the next week

but its ok, i went out with my fren , i call her gile :)
me n her were never thought that we'll go out only two of us xD

she bought a dress.. im kinda jealous even i dun like dress x)

and then ders another day i went out with my bff !

miss her a lot.. she doesnt change at all

but her life change worser

i feel sorry for her too :(

i can just pray that she n her best fren will reunite back :)

ok since last monday, my holiday's crap -.-

how can i forgive him if he only apologise when i asked him too ?

life~

ugh i dun understand.

why do life has to be more complicated when u're getting older ?

that's the reason why sometimes i act like a child cuz sumtime i wish i were them !

why ?

becoz their life are sooooo free n so exciting.

ok dun says that i have an immature way of thinking.

shouldn't life be more simple when u're getting older ?

i mean , as u grow everyday u must discover anythig about life

so should it be more simple ?

why i'm saying dis ridicilous statements ?
becz dis is my blog !

haha

4days for PB ! !

weeee so excited !

dis 29April i get to stay home for 4days !

1 day more than the usual !
n cant wait to celebrate my mum , my besty n his bday (:

3 in a week !

oh where can i get my financial resources ? haha

well maybe i can simply give them a birthday card.

huuu but most people of course..expecting a present !

then i should save my money start from now!

but for this weekend..ugh

tired week !

friday i'll go to watch a theater n return to hostel at 11pm!

the next day i'll go to marching competition.

even i'm so dumb in it ,

but the seniors are desperate to have members to participate the contest :D

i remembered i learnt the basic of marching for almost 2years but i'm still dunno how to walk.

what a dumb dummy .......er

ok hope its not gonna be 'so sweat' dis week.

eww

n i heard a discouraging news from N.

her best fren dun wanna speak a word wif her now.

well its lame.

n i dunno how to help N as she is also my best fren.

i feel sorry for her...

n worry !

sory dear i can only be ur loyal listener ):

hope u'll be strong !

someday u guys will reunite again !

i believe larh !

n i'll always be ur best fren taw :)

hope u'll have a great day in ur birthday on 27th april !

n ders another 'load' in my mind.

was it my fault ?

i dun think so !

i was juz saying the truth that is wrong.

why ? why u often disagree my opinions ?

well i guess we both av the same ego , ,

farewell notebook~

you

lawa x blog aku ? lawa x ?

haha sgt gembire bile dpt edit blog jd camni

even aku tau blog aku x selawa korang punye

k fine.

ok sape yg x suke post jiwang silalah jgn bace post aku yg ni

ok ?

my gosh .. hippo what u did to me ?

u make me feel so .. out of this world when i'm with u.

feels like i can do anything.

maybe thats y ilysm.

when in my school , i always wish that u wont be with any other gurl.

doesnt mean u cant talk a single word wif gurls.

i mean i always wish u wont fall for another gurl.

i'm beggin u plz ~!

cuz i love u so fuckin damn much more than dis words can tell you

when i remember that u'll move more far away

feels like wanna cry

but its not gonna change anythin pun kn ?

so i decide to assume that it wont happen.

y do u have to go right when u took away my heart ??

but i rather u go if u wanna further ur study even for million miles

i love too :)

i love remember our past !

2010 is the best year of my life !

u know y ?

-cuz i met u in 9th of july 2010

-we confess our same feeling a week later

-we get together at 12/11/10

-we always hang together after skul

dats the best moment !

i can meet u everyday ! anytime !

we can do wtv we want !

but not now..

please dont be in love with someone else

please dont have somebody waitin on u

even i know ders people waitin for u

ok i'm gonna stop here

last but not least

i love u so much Hippo :)

WTV

just what i predicted last yr (:

what does it mean ?
u know that i'm studying in a different school now so

-no handphone

-cant sleep whenever u want (u dont even get enough sleep !)

-no free time

-no surfing web

-HOMESICK !

these're what i have to face.

i was cryin every nite for the first 3days

hahaha very funny rite ?

n i'm tired of crying for the same reason wishing that i can turn back my past n make this wont happen.

integomb is completely differ from smkpj !

specially dlm bab agama.

i was like....

dunno what to say.

i was thinking to transfer to smkpj back.

then bla bla bla

now insyaAllah i'm ok with dis school

better than okay (:

hope dis wuld last long , amin !

n i feel like i got 2 personalities now !

when at the integomb , i become a very good person (haha)

when i return home , i turn myself to my old-self .

u will have no idea !

but that is me.

n feels like i'm a fake n had make a big mistakeS.

ugh whateva !

life in integomb ?

so fine !

people there r soo friendly !

n the strangest thing is .. u will never know the people by their real name.

means they only use their nickname n i never know what's their real name :D

n their nickname are like .. haha u'll never heard !

n some of dem r not so ALIM pun.

the teachers ?

same as smkpj !

kind , caring , n i really love my chemistry teacher cuz she always has the spirit of teaching xD

n at integomb. .we didnt study all the time except for those pmr n spm candidates.

well i'm kinda happy here :)

with my new 3besties

they light up my days !

put pipah maria

ilysm !

but when i return home

i'm startin to miss my old life back.

i was so free before dis n...happy !

but its ok i didnt feel regret on what i done n happened

haha xD

i always pray that i can survive here at integomb n 'catch my high dream' n hope that dis sacrifice will worth what i've been always wish for

:)

xoxo

new life ~ juz what i'd imagined last year

1week 2days at asrama?

pergh dunno what to say.

memang homesick la until now.

1st tu nak cari kawan memang senang cuz bdk2 kt sane frenly gile babi

tapi nak cari kawan baek tu....T^T

alhamdulilah so far aku ade 2 or 3 membe rapat

sikit kn T^T

yg sorang tu pun adik angkat

tp lebih baek ade dr takde kn ?

alhamdulilah lgpun aku baru seminggu.

plus aku x pegy orientation so memang situation ni akan jadi

aku redha (:

ms 3rd day tu aku cry teruk gile XD

i miss my family , my home , old frens , old teachers , HIM !

i felt like... ugh nak pindak blk smkpj ! ! !

kt sek tu mmg suasane laen gile dr smkpj !

da name pon integrasi.

tudung x bole singkat.

pergaulan kene ade batas nye.

nak bwat community pon haram.

skali korg wat mslh.

mmg bsuk la nme korg 1 sek nti.

tp yg bgos nye dak integomb ni takkan anti kite.

dorg still akan kwn nan kite cume dorg akn ckp2 blkg ar.

n environment die ?

memang aku x bole terime mule2.

bkn nak kate aku ni tak ingat agame islam ke.

tp bile msuk sne mmg rse kerdil ar.

bru seda byk gile dosa aku.

rupe nye byk lg hal agame aku tataw.

aku rase malu je , tp mcm tak phm lak aku kn mmg muke tembok.

hoho.

cikgu2 kt sne ok !

cume ad due tige yg mcm ....hmmm

tp still aku rindu cg smkpj.

tade cg yg bole ganti tmpt dowg kt aty aku yg suci ni.

tell me why

assalamualaikum !

actually aku belum daftar masuk asrama.

eh kejap , isnin td da daftar.

tapi rabu ni baru pegi.

tapi ramai ingat aku da pegi !

actually aku kena chicken pox so die tak bagi masuk awal. adoii

bile aku on9 je mesti orang tanye aku balik rumah kejap ke.

takkan la tiap2 ari aku balik rumah ingat asrama tu bapak aku punye :D

actually masa tulis post ni aku tengah

well kurang gembire xD

frust tak when u wait someone til midnite waitin for his/her text or call then about 12am++ die text "i'm tired now cant text u or otp"

haha so shit bebeh !

eh impossible la penat sampai cant talk kn ?

well we dunno cuz we'r not in his/her situation.

but at least cakap la dari awal taknak contact satu hari kn sng !! grrrr

i'm sick and tired of ur attitude and ur reasons.

and i feel like i dont know u.

you tell me that u need me then u ignore me.

yes i remember what u said that nite.

the PAIN was beating on me like a drum.

but i know that u see what u'r doin to me.

tell me why ?

ok finish merapu xD

thnks 4 read :)

i hate crying !

yeah lihatlah tajuk. mesti suda paham.

since i broke with sape tah , i promised to myself that i would never ever cry even a tear !

even i move to new school. .i didnt cry

but when i remembered that i'll be far apart from my friends especially the alpharian

tears come out jugak :'(

i know i have to be strong

but they are so special

bukan special yg di-consider OKU xD

i mean

even i'm not so talkative

i used to sit with them n hear what they talking about

n that'll make me laugh macam nak tercabut tekak !

especially maryleen n fara

mary dgn gelak donkey die *aku pun x taw mcm mne die bole buat,yg penting gigi die putih gile!

fara biase la dgn lawak bangang die n mulut lepas. hee

then bile syira termenung mary or fara akan jerit "WOY INGAT KAT **** JE ! "

pastu syaf pulak dtg "eh takla die tgh pandang mu****** kt luar kls tu !"

then dhanusya geleng2 "ish syahira awk ni nk mne satu ?"

"mne de dhanu awk pcaye la saye ! cume ade **** dlm aty sye ! (:P) kn fil kn?" syira akn cakap mcm tu dgn muke innocent la sgt.

aku speechless.

ati kau bukan ati aku ! sorry syira :P

pastu kak idah a.k.a shida dtg dgn 'sleng' ....sleng ap eh ? yg slu eric pakai tu

"kowrang satu jam ni cikguu takde ya ! " haha sleng bodoe tu la

time cg tade 3rk1 enjoy gile babi

munie & yaya buat bising mcm2 la dgn care tepuk tgn ke..nak bls dendam kt 4beta ms tu.

pastu aina pandang munie n yaya slek , mcm MAK mara anak :D

amar si ketua x peduli pun dgn kls die

the best monitor ever ! aku jujur ni ! cuz ko biarkan kitorang bising , tu yg aku bg ko darjat yg tinggi camtu.

amar sibuk berurusan dgn pak ustaz 3rk1 a.k.a luqman ruslan

luqman lg sorg ?

oh ape lg dgn cite chow kit die

chua dgn chris khusyuk gile dgr yg luqman kate taun dpn die nk pindah smkck (smk chow kit) *actually luqman bgtaw aku die nak pindah smkck aritu* xD bodoe punye luqman mesti cg intan sarina lailee sjaiful *aku hafal doe* bahagia ko akhirnya sek dkt tmpt favorite ko

nanti cite kat aku mcm mne sek tu cuz aku pun ingat nk apply

sumpah menyampah budak2 laki suke je sebut chow kit

iqraq pun same. tp time paling best aku terperasan aw, time pmr n amek result iqraq bersongkok ! bkn nk perli just nk ckp ko hensem weh n muat pulak songkok tu kt kepale ko :P

then cg masuk

abg roy punye time

faiz mesti buat muke if abg roy tye pape

aku ingat lg pantun dorg wat psl abg roy

hotstuff doe abg roy !

bangge gile kak ros a.k.a bissmi jd kekasih gelap die

haha

aku dgn zuriah msti kne attack dgn abg roy cuz berborak

aish benci doe

da la suke sepak meja org

kaki panjang konon

haha puas da aku merepek !

kalo ade cite x betol korg maafkan la ye :)

aku pun ingat2 lupe sume ni

btw aku just nk ckp

aku sayang gile babi kt korang whether kite rapat ke x !

without korg aku mungkin x kn smpai mcm skrg ! ceyh !

aku rindu 2rk1 & 3rk1 !

but at the same time aku da start fall in luv dgn alpha !

kls yg se-macam RK1 gak !

haha but unfortunately sekejap je aku dpt rase duduk dlm alpha

sedih jugak bile ingat

but i believe sumday we'll meet again n aku hope we'll be friends forever ! *amboyy

k la take care ya korang :')

p/s ; aku bwk gmbr kls 3rk1 g asrama xD

tak bole tido

x leh tido kot

sbb tu la aku on pc

hmm knape ni

bile aku teringat hal sek tros x leh tido

hoho aku bukan nye ingat ape

just teringat hal2 manis kt sek

keje yg aku suke bwat~ membabi bute

huhu bile ingat sume bende tu teros x mgantok !

jap lg plak kene amek result check up tu

pelu ke berdebar ?

haha

nothing will happen kot (: